I Made It!

That's really the only title I could think of that summed up this year of work. Beware: long post.

Let's recap:
I began this school year 9 months preggo. Swollen from the summer pregnancy and huge.  I was not exactly given a lot of support coming into the year from a select few knowing I was going to take my well-earned (and saved) 12 weeks maternity leave.  For goodness sakes I had to have a note allowing me to sit down while teaching.  It was a stressful environment to say the least.
I missed the time with my class that is the most important in a classroom - the first semester when behaviors and expectations are set.  I was with my kids for a little over a month, but I do not feel it was long enough.
So, changes as they may, happened.

This year has been the hardest teaching year of my 7 year career. We had a huge change in administration while I was out, brand new standards that basically came out throughout the year, and a brand new standardized test for the kids.  I had a group of students who just fed off each other daily.

Plus, not to mention, I had my child, spent a little over 14 weeks with her, and then returned to the real world. In my life before I became a Mom, I wanted to be a SAHM. I didn't know if I could work once I had my child. I almost didn't want to try it.  I just wanted to be with Harper.

However, the first 2 weeks back to work really let me in on something.  Even though each day was a struggle with certain kids, I finally realized that I really, really do love being a teacher. I mean, I knew I loved what I did before Harper; but I wasn't sure if I would love it the same after having her.  Do not get me wrong, I still hate leaving her each morning. I never have thought it's gotten easier, but, I've adjusted and have been able to accept my new normal.  I feel good when I'm in front of the room teaching. I feel proud of myself when I see that lightbulb go on in a child's head.  I feel even more so that I am my student's school mom and even more of what that entails.  I feel that since I've become a Mom, I'm able to see a different side to situations, ones I never even thought about.  I feel that I still have the talents of a great teacher and I want to use those talents right now in my life.  Harper, thankfully, is with a WONDERFUL home sitter. She and her husband truly love Harper and we can tell Harper loves them equally.  They have taken such good care of Harper and have helped Brian and I in our parenting as well.  I actually really like that she's around just a few other kids and I think it's helped her personality in a great way.  Of course, I feel guilty about thinking this, but, I don't necessarily think I should.  I think at this time, Harper is getting exactly what she needs.

I also feel like I could never have gone back to work without the support of the ladies I work with.  Sometimes, working with all women can have it's moments.  But, working with all women who over half have children, they totally understood and were beyond there for me when I came back to work.  I had teachers coming in to my room checking on me, asking about Harper, and offering to help me grade papers so I could head home right after the bell.  I have friends at work that I don't get to have much interaction with just stop by my room and ask me if I was ok. I mean, I cannot tell you how much I appreciated that support I felt when I returned, and honestly, the support from them I've continued to feel all year.  My team teacher was able to be with me before her maternity leave began, and I can say that without a doubt I would not have been able to do this without her!

Not every Mom is meant to be a SAHM and not every Mom is meant to be a Working Mom.  Each is hard and whatever role you have, I'm sure you think it's the harder of the two.  For me, being a working Mom is beyond difficult but I've been able to adjust. I'm not perfect at it and it's hard each day, but I'm doing it. I'm back to my wifely duties of cooking dinner *almost* every night. I've learned how to be a {hopefully}great teacher at work, a {hopefully}great Mom at home, and a {hopefully}good wife, too.  I'm still working on being a great friend, but I'm not going to beat myself up over it.  I'm learning and I'm truly doing the absolute best I can. But for now, my time with Harper and my husband are precious. My time at work is precious.  My fabulous friend and team-teach Mary made the comment that if I'm going to do something that takes me away from my baby, I better make it worth it. Well, I AM!


So, luckily, my job lets me get to be a SAHM for a few short months, and then back to work I go. I'm actually looking forward to the coming school year and getting a fresh start where I will be in the classroom all year long!

At this point, I feel settled in my heart that I am doing what I see best for my family and for Harper.  That doesn't mean it won't change, but I am just happy to feel that now.  Being a Mom is no joke. It's harder than anything, but it's the best feeling and the greatest thing to ever happen to me.  To now know I have the potential to be in someone elses child's life as much as a teacher is, that makes me feel more important than ever!


So, I'm off to enjoy summer with my baby!!!!