So, ya'll know my rage against the Mommy Wars... but let's get serious... Do you always tell the truth about your little ones?
Does facebook or other blogs make you sometimes feel like your child must be the only one in the world who isn't perfect? It sure does me! I also feel a lot of times that when I talk to some Mommies they tell me how wonderful everything is, how easy it is if you have things well thought out and planned, and how children are so easy...
UMM, can I please live at your house and be your child?!?!? Yea, my kid was pretty easy during months 3-11...now let's get to toddlerhood!
Well, friends, Harper has come into the *possibly* full blown tantrums...and she's barely even 13 months old. Is this normal?? If it's not, will you please tell me it is?!?!? :)
Tantrum 1-
When Harper is out and about with me running errands or out to eat she is not one to be ignored. She enjoys full on attention and being spoken to, engaged, etc. the entire time. If not - tears come. Of course, you non-mommies may be thinking "why wouldn't you speak to your child" but let me tell you, sometimes it's hard to have a one-way convo out in public and sometimes you just want to be quiet!
But, I've learned, and have schooled my Hubby on the ways that IF you'd like a successful trip in public, the KEY is to ENGAGE, ENGAGE, ENGAGE!
Tantrum 2-
This one comes into full effect usually when Harper is sleepy or hungry. Harper will bend down and squat (like only kids can do - you picture it?!) and begin whining/crying. Then, she will turn her head to the side, peek out of one eye to see if you are looking. If you are: she will continue and sometimes move her position to laying on her side OR lay her head right on down to the most difficult yoga pose you've ever done. If you aren't looking, she will usually get over it, come around the corner and be like nothing every happened.
The KEY is to walk away and don't even let her see you watch...don't you let her peeking meet your eyes!!
Tantrum 3-
Similar to Tantrum 2, but this time it occurs when you've offered her a toy, a piece of food, water, etc. You know, all those horrible things parents do... ?!?! Well, our gal is pretty stuck on her independence and knowing what she wants when she wants in - read: her time.
So, when this begins, the KEY is to walk away, totally ignore, and begin talking/laughing/playing with something else.
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I was totally worried and nervous about this, but after calling Harper's doc, she said that this next year will be all about seeing what manipulation she can get away with (what?!?!) and beginning to learn what she can do for herself. Am I worried? Yea, a little bit. Would I wish her personality and her possible strong-willed-ness away? No, I don't think so. Ask me again when she's a teen...or 2...but I think I'm okay with this side I'm seeing of her.
I want her to be a strong girl~woman. I want her to know what she wants and doesn't want. I think those are qualities that make a strong woman and one who can take care of her own. My Mom tells me that I was the same way and that she's proud of the way I've turned out and that my personality has helped me get to where I am and what I said 'no' to in the past. I like that.
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HOWEVER, after a wonderful suggestion from my Mom...we have now gotten down to some of the terrible tantrums Harper was having...yup...her milk. We thought the transition to whole milk was fine, but it turns out, it wasn't. The poor girl is still having issues with milk so we have switched her to Organic Soymilk. It was like a different child in 2 days. Honestly. She still has maybe a few of the tantrums I mentioned above, but it is UNREAL the difference in her - all because of the milk! And really, I can tell you I haven't seen a tantrum in over a week - even a small one!
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And of course, if sweet Harper continues to come over and kiss your lips after any of these tantrums, and hug on her babies, and say thank you at the drop of a hat...I'm very okay with how my sweet baby girl is turning out to be!
*what are you ways in dealing and eliminating tantrums or small fits?
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We are in full tantrum mode too, and they make Harper seem calm! L was the exact same as Harper sounds, full of independence. Abbott still isn't communicating at all, so I think he just gets super frustrated all the time when we can't figure out what he wants. If he would point, or something at least, this would help! I try to just ignore, but I know I am pickhin him up too often just to get him to stop. He likes to swat things out of my hand when he is mad. This I must find a better response too ASAP! Don't worry, I am right there with you!!
ReplyDeleteOh girl! You are definitely not the only one! Emerson went through a little tantrum stage right after she turned one. She was hitting and scratching and I was at a loss! I wrote a post about it and got some really good suggestions but luckily she just kind of outgrew it. I'm sure they'll be back though!
ReplyDeleteHang in there, Megan! You are doing great it sounds like. My son is a strong-willed child and we are firm with him, if we loosen up, we see bad behaviors again, they just have to learn how to deal with it in a spiritually, socially, mature way and even still at 5, he's not always able to do that. Ignoring was our key at that age--when you can, of course when you are at dinner somewhere you can't do that--but we just ate out less and tried to engage as much as possible while out. As she gets older you can play games like "point to all the things in the store that you can find that are purple" etc. Best wishes! She sounds like a sweet heart...just a strong-willed sweet heart! It's okay to be strong-willed!!!
ReplyDeleteyou are not alone! Gracie has been throwing fits at the drop of a hat! Especially when she gets something taken away from her. she throws herself forward on the floor while screaming and will get up and do it again if she thinks I didn't have the proper reaction to it. Crazy kids!
ReplyDeleteseriously Harper is like 5 months ahead of mine. We are not there yet. They are still learning to walk and communication is very minimal. I'll be hitting you up for advice when we get to that stage and we will be 14 months next week.
ReplyDeleteShooo.... reading about Harper is like remembering Ivy at that age! :) Ivy was strong willed and started tantrums (following by time out) at about 13 months. I found that the smallest "out of routine" really messed her up. She has learned how to manage better as she has gotten older but it was a trying time! If it makes you feel better I think that the 2's and 3's were not nearly as hard as that 14 to 20 months range for my strong willed girl. I feel like the trying age happens whenever they first become verbal but don't quite understand how to communicate. Try to be consistent and love on her bubbly personality when she is chipper! Hang in there, mama! You are not alone!
ReplyDeleteOh gosh, Emily does it too. Mostly tantrum number two when she is tired. She does pretty well if we are out shopping or in other public places. She also likes being around other kids. But if she is tired or hungry? Game over. I can't believe she is talking! Emily isn't really talking yet.
ReplyDeleteOh my goodness - Harper & Peyton would be the best of friends!!! Strong-willed babies!!! :) I love your honest post, Megan! I struggle with everything you wrote about - my children are the LOVE of my life, but parenting is HARD! Much love & prayers! I know you are an amazing Mama! Love Susan
ReplyDeleteJade occasionally gets offended when we offer her water/milk/food like you are mentioning, and we just calmly put it away after she pushes it away from us. She also does this thing sometimes where she lays face down on the floor and cries. We pretty much just ignore it now, especially if it appears that she's doing it for attention or no good reason. I honestly think it's just that she's frustrated that her little toddler mind can't communicate with us! Other times, we'll calmly pick her up and console her, especially if we think she's throwing the fit because she's tired or hungry. Let's face it, I sometimes want to lay on the floor and cry when I'm tired and hungry too. :)
ReplyDeleteWe have this issue of Bryar throwing tantrums, especially at the grocery. The boy hates it just like all of us do. But the one thing that helps him is having a toy to throw. Yes, I know! I am that Mom! The one that is constantly apologizing for a buddy (paci) flying into someone or a ball. But hey, it keeps me sane so I flow with it there.
ReplyDeleteAlso at home when he wants something especially food that we are eating he throws major fits. He is obsessed with bigger foods and screams like the exorcist until he gets it. In this case, we obviously feed him.
Other times he will throw fits if I put him down or etc. I honestly just ignore his crying and he quickly stops. Bryar is not a baby that likes to be alone. CIO just does not work at bed time for him. He gets so mad and crys so hard that he throws up. Although, he has never thrown a fit at any other time that is like that. He is already at the age of seeing what all he can get into though. We are constantly having to tell him that things are not for him. It's so hard to get to know what works and what does not work for kiddos. Since I have started babysitting, I have realized just how hard it is to know every childs little quirks that work for them!
As I always say, Keep Calm and Mommy on ;)