I'm a MOM. {a reflection post}

So yea, still no Birth Story...it will come one day... :)

I just wanted to jot down a few things about motherhood that I never thought about before. Some I *should* have expected and some there is no way I would have expected it! As always, these are my opinions to remember when my girl is a teenager and I've forgotten what it was like way back when. ;)

I knew having a baby would change my life; but I don't think I could have ever imagined HOW MUCH it changes your life in a matter of minutes. I don't know that you really can know until it happens.

I spend most my days worrying about how much/when Harper will poop, eat, and sleep.  Also, my conversations with Brian and text messages include all of the above and basically only the above! ha!

I spend my nights looking at the monitor making sure Harper is ok and of course listening to her gurgles and grunts {she's one loud sleeper!}. 

I started out trying to do EVERYTHING everyone told me. I tried to follow all the books and advice and almost drove myself insane.  Now I think I've finally realized {or realizing} that Harper is MINE. She's my daughter. No one elses. I will learn what is best for her and will do what is best for her. Every baby is different. Every family is different. Nothing works for everyone. It took me a while to really understand that.

There is no judgement here.  Really. I used to judge kind of a lot of other moms. You know, when their kid was loud or throwing a tantrum, etc. But now I know. Sometimes, you do all you can, and you can't get them quieted in the best amount of time. Being a Mom is hard work and every moment is unplanned {which is hard for a planner like me} so as well as you try to anticipate things, you won't be able to control every situation ~ you've got to go with the flow and stay calm {yes, still working on that}.

A plan? Ha. I laugh now when I think about how I planned out my "baby's life". Sometimes, you have to adjust your plan to meet the needs of your baby. And you have to be okay with that. Plan long term goals, but realize it when your plan needs to change to fit baby's plan.

I don't worry like I used to. Sometimes/a lot lately, I've been somewhat of a bad wife {cooking, cleaning}, a bad friend, a bad daughter, a bad co-worker. But that is just going to have to be part of my life right now.  Once I get a handle on things more, I hope to change that. But I don't really worry about it anymore. I honestly don't have time or energy to worry about it anymore.  Harper right now comes first in what she needs from me, and if you're a parent right now, I'm sure you remember how tiring it is! But I've come to realize that your friends and family will understand and won't get upset with you. And if they do... well, I really can't control that feeling so I might as well not worry about it.

I never knew what a Mom's job entailed. I mean for my Mom's job, too. I've found a whole new respect for my Mom {which I'm sure she's glad to hear}.  Brian is a great Dad and my Dad is an awesome Dad; but there is just something about a Mom that is so different than a Dad, and I'm finally understanding that. A Mom's job is 24/7 in a way that is unique. There's no way I could have been through these past few weeks with Harper without my Mom's help, encouragement, and love. Not to say that I haven't loved these past few weeks - I have. But to have your Mom there to help was something I just really needed {and still need!}.  Mom's just seem to have that extra 'thing' to know what you need to take a quick trip, how to get baby calm, and how to do 5 things at once while holding a baby!

I've never prayed harder than I have these last 5 weeks.  I thought I prayed a lot during different times in my life. I thought I prayed a lot during my pregnancy. But these last 5 weeks? I feel like it's been one of the closest times in my life with God. There is no way I could do this without praying! I thank Him all the time for Harper and things she does. I pray for strength when she's upset or a watchful eye when I'm not with her in her room. I thank Him constantly for giving Harper to me.

I hold Harper for all her naps during the day or she won't sleep. At first, I didn't really like this. I kept thinking of all the things I needed to do or wanted to do {like laundry, sleep, wash bottles/ make crafts, blog, decorate, etc.} but now as I see how quickly Harper is changing every day, I don't mind holding her. I'm on maternity leave. This time I will never get back! So, if I don't have the cutest crafts made for this year's holidays and I've had to say no to some Craft Store orders...oh well! :)

My favorite thing is picture texts. I love sending Brian a picture every morning during the week of his happy girl, and he loves it too. Also, with this, I have a daily picture of her where we can truly see her changes! It is so cool. I'm hoping to be able to keep this up even when I go back to work so that I can have a 365 day picture of her for her first year.

I *waste* a lot of time staring at Harper and taking a million photos! I can't get over how pretty and perfect we think she is! And every day there's some new cute thing she does!

Main Thing: Every family is different. Every baby is different. One thing isn't better than another unless YOU are deciding it for YOUR baby. Everyone has opinions where they think they are right or better. Try it or don't. Just remember Megan, you're the Mom. :)